Terrified..

It was supposed to be like any other Monday where the kids have fun at xplorerkids, until Kyan came crying to us, bleeding from his forehead. I panicked. I really did. I think I was more scared than he was. Trembled and didn't know what to do, I was trying to stop myself from fainting and my limbs were cold.

He was at the rock wall, I think he must have fallen and hurt his head against the wall. He had a deep gaping cut on his right eyelid. Blood was oozing out from his wound. I tried to apply pressure on it. The minute I let go of my hand, the blood started flowing again. Thank god the manager at xplorer kids was calm enough to apply antiseptic lotion and ice pack to keep the wound from bleeding further. She stuck a gauzed bandage over it and we left for Changi Hospital.

Nobody should ever have to experience the A & E. It's one of the worst waits ever. First I was directed to the counter to make payment. However, as Kyan's wound was still bleeding, I requested for him to see a doctor first. So they led me to room 19 - the triage room. One MO took down details of his fall. Well, his typing skills were damn slow. Couldn't really multi-task. Either he was asking me questions or he was updating info on the computer. He can't do both at the same time! In the meantime, the blood was soaking through the bandage. Then after he took Kyan's weight, we had to wait about 10 minutes to go into Room 4. The female doctor, Dr Olivia Teo, who assessed him was quite young. She was more assuring but told us that Kyan needed stitching for his wound. Then we had to go to counter 19 to wait again. This time a nurse led us to the Resusitation Room. Kyan was told to lie on the bed where they had to monitor his heart-rate and BP. Then another doctor- Dr Aziz told me that they were going to gas him in order to make him slightly drowsy so that they could stitch him up. Then he left. Another doc, Dr Gan, came to tell him that they would give him Ketamine instead to sedate him. He would be in a semi-conscious state. While they were trying to inject him, they asked to chat with him. I could never forget the look on his face when he started screaming that the injection was painful and he struggled and tried to wriggle away. He kept yelling that it was painful and that he wanted me to carry him. But I couldn't. I could only watch him helplessly as he stopped struggling and drifted off to the sedated state. That's when the nurses told me to wait outside while the doctor performed the procedure.

God knows how long I've waited outside. During the time I was seated outside, I've seen 2 old men, 1 young guy and 1 small girl (who was admitted for fits) being rushed into the A & E. The longer I sat there, the more wild thoughts grew in my head. I kept my eyes glued at the door, hoping the nurses would signal to me to go in.

Finally they did. I went in to see my poor Kyan being heavily sedated and he was talking very slowly. Told me I had 2 heads and 4 eyes. I tried not to be alarmed. He had 5 stitches. I sat next to him and kept on talking and asking him questions. After 15 minutes later, he was better. More active and he could respond better to me. Finally after the doc checked him, he could be discharged and off we went home.

I pray that he would be fine soon. It's really heartbreaking to see him in pain and me not able to relief his pain. I wished I was the one who had gotten hurt instead. My heart nearly stopped today and I'm still feeling it now.

Kyan's and Rayden's PTC (2009-Mid year)

Went to school for PTC last Thursday. The teachers had very good comments about Kyan and Rayden.

Kyan:
Teacher Florence said that he learns well in school. He knows many sight words and is able to read a lot of words as compared to the rest. He is able to voice out his displeasure, like complain about others. In the past, he would have kept quiet and become Mr Unnoticeable. Now he's different, he is a good role model to his peers as he is able to teach the others what he knows. He is more active now too as he enjoys outdoor activities. He has a fantastic memory as he is able to remember things that he has learnt before. Meng Lao Shi also said that he is able to correct her if she writes wrongly (on purpose). The rest of the class could only tell her that she has made a mistake but can't pinpoint exactly where, except for Kyan. He is rather observant and enjoys learning a lot.

After hearing all these, I think I was beaming from ear to ear. Kyan has very good memory and observant skills. He is able to remember things that he has seen or hear and talk about it at a later time. He also has a keen interest in writing. For instance, I can leave him to do his Chinese writing while I do housework. He is able to sit there patiently to write neatly, erasing when necessary, without complaints. I sure hope he stays this way. When I hear how J made her gal sit for 2 and a half hours just to complete the same piece of writing, I'm glad I do not have to resort to that. The most important thing is that Kyan loves learning. And I can see that, evident in his perfectionist style of imitating his teacher write, having wasted tons of drawing paper. He hangs his writing up with pride and even grades himself on whether he has written well by putting a tick and comments like "good" or "very good". I really hope it stays this way so I will not have to force him to do work next time. I think I need to brush up on his phonics and sign him up for drawing and piano classes. This shall be my June hols homework.

Rayden:
The teachers are extremely amused by him. He has to sing himself to sleep every afternoon, with him crooning at the top of his voice, the songs he knows. He refuses to let Du Lao Shi bathe him cos he hates to wash his hair. Whenever it comes to bath time, he'll linger among the students, hoping for his teacher to miss him so he could escape from showering. He loves Teacher Sally to shower him cos she doesn't wash his hair. He even knows that the teachers rotate their showering time of the kids. On days that Du Lao Shi doesn't shower him, he'll purposely walk up to her and tell her he wants her to do the job that day. This cheeky boy! Teacher Alina commented that he loves singing and dancing but when it comes to fine gross motor skills like colouring or pasting stickers, he'll complain he doesn't know how.

For Rayden I'm not so concerned yet. Maybe he is still young and as compared to Kyan then, Rayden can actually do lots more that he can't so I'm going to let him progress at his own pace. But I must say that no matter how tired this boy is in the morning, he always manages to psyche himself awake and smile. That's quite a big consolation for me.

Rayden's progress

The problem with the 2nd kid is that we as parents don't do as much. So he sort of just learns on his own, gaining as much knowledge as possible as he observes and interacts. Rayden is very good at comprehending what the adults are trying to tell him and he is able to respond accordingly.

Last Saturday, he was at my mum's. He took a sweet from the bowl and asked my sister to open it for him. She told him she needed to use the scissors to cut it. She asked him whether he knew how to cut. He replied yes. So my curious sister asked him what he could cut. He replied, "Carrots". Haha, he was referring to the plastic carrot toy that he has...

Then today, when I was cutting his nails, he pointed to a part of the nail clipper that has a small ball bearing. He muttered "ball" and insisted that I take a look at it. I replied him, "Mummy knows" and he took it to mean "Mummy's nose" so he gladly pointed at my nose! *LOL*

At coming to 22mths, his vocab is quite extensive. As far as I can remember, he is able to dictate what he wants in a clearer way than Kyan used to before.

Words that he knows:
1) parts of the body (hair, eyes, ears, nose, tongue, teeth, mouth, hands, fingers, legs, toes)
2) people like Mummy, daddy, kor kor, ah ma, ah yi, teacher alina, auntie, uncle
3) friend's names - amol, keryn, kelly, gerard (which he pronounces as "rard")
4) toys like drum, ball, book, bicycle,
5) clothes like jacket, shirt, shorts, socks, shoes, bag
6) verbs like kick, bounce, throw (associated with ball)
7) verbs like jump, run, swim, bathe, pee, poo, draw, read
8) I want
9) Don't want
10) can count from 1 to 10
11) knows part of the alphabet
12) feeling words like happy and angry

RIP

By the way, the poor terrapin was finally found, whole shell still intact, trapped within the wall and the TV console. Now, we definitely know that it was Rayden instead of Kyan who threw the little poor thing. Asri buried it downstairs and said a little prayer for it.

Sorry, my little terrrapin....

Random Acts of Love

Ever since we've the kids , Asri and I have not had much couple time together. Unlike S who goes dating with her hubby every weekend, whatever time we have together is precious. This time can be just a couple of hours while the kids are either at school or at my mum's. Still, we treasure these times dearly.

Just last week, I complained to him that I didn't have lunch in school cos it was TDday. He picked me up to go to the centre and tapao food for me in a lunchbox, complete with a spoon and bite sized chicken pieces so I could eat in the car.

Then on Valentine's eve, he prepared dinner- some chicken spaghetti thingy complete with chocolate and ice cream dessert. ;)

On Valentine's Day, I received a bouquet of roses, according to him- I'm the red one, the one and only...;0)

Heartbroken Part 3

On Friday we could not decide where to go. I was surfing the net for ideas while Asri took out the terrapins for their daily "exercise". J had asked us to take care of hers while she went away to Genting for holiday. Asri left the kids alone with the terrapins. Big mistake. When he went to the living room a while later, only our terrapin was left. J's terrapin had disappeared! We panicked of course. Immediately we asked Rayden what had happened as we were sure it was him who had hidden the little animal somewhere. We turned the whole house upside down but could not find any. We suspected that Rayden had thrown the terrapin out of the window. It spoiled my mood for the entire day.. We didn't go out till evening to take the flyer.

Then when we reached home, I just casually asked Kyan how Rayden had thrown away the terrapin out of the window. He demonstrated that Rayden had stood on the sofa and flung the terrapin out of the window. I became suspicious because I knew Rayden wouldn't have done that. A thought crossed my mind, maybe it was Kyan who did it. I asked him again and he admitted that it was him. I was shocked. I questioned why he did that. He said that he didn't like the small terrapin. I was really speechless. Asri caned him and both of us ignored him. He fell asleep, crying.

I really couldn't believe that he had done such a thing. Maybe he did it cos he didn't like K and he knew that the terrapin belonged to her, or maybe he did it to show us that he was jealous of his brother cos he's younger and smaller, ie, the terrapin was smaller than ours. I went to bed, perplexed.

The next morning Asri went downstairs to search for the terrapin but to no avail. Kyan woke up with swollen eyes. My heart went out to him but I still could not get over the incident. We went downstairs to search for the terrrapin before moving to Kovan and Tampines to find similar ones for J.

We couldn't find the right one. When we reached home, I was so mad with Kyan that I caned him again and sent him to his room. He screamed his lungs out. I knew I shouldn't have vented my anger on him. I was struggling with the shock that my son was actually so "evil" to throw a live animal down and the frustration of how to tell J about the fate of her terrapin. Kyan must have been traumatised because he mentioned that he was tired and went to bed by himself.

When I've calmed down, I spoke to him about the incident and he knew he was in the wrong. Asri said perhaps he is still young so he didn't know that he was actually killing an animal. Maybe his intention was just to get rid of it, as in get it out of his sight. I know I was too harsh on him. I felt really bad.

Asri felt bad too. He went to Serangoon to search for the "right" terrapin. He bought 2 similar ones back but they still don't look like J's.

Come Sunday, we went to Parkway to search for terrapins again but can't find any. That night, I told J what had happened. She was quite ok about it. I felt so bad.

I knew I came down too hard on Kyan. Sometimes when I looked at him, I can see this sadness in his eyes, as though to tell me that he knows he's wrong to do that. When I asked him to hug me, he hugged me really tight. I think he knows. Maybe I've to be more aware of his feelings. Maybe I've neglected him in a way cos I'd assumed he's older and can do more things on his own. Maybe he feels that we've been showering all our love and attention on his brother.

I really feel so sad. Maybe I've not been a good enough mother.

Holiday Activities

We brought the kids to the zoo on Wednesday. It was fun but tiring! The kids enjoyed themselves too, especially Kyan at the water play section. Rayden was claustrophobic cos he refused to step into the water at all.

Thursday we were at the Jacob Ballas Children's Garden at Botanical Garden. The kids had fun at the water play section. Before we could venture the park further, it poured. Thank god the kids had fun decorating recycled materials for the xmas tree. When the weather cleared slightly, we went into the park again for a quick tour of the place. Then it poured again so we decided to go home before catching the Elmo show at Marina Square.

Heartbroken Part 2

Last Tuesday Asri was on leave so we thought we'd just send the kids to school so we can enjoy couple time together. We had lunch at Parkway and thereafter to Raffles Place to pick up the calendula cream. I was not familiar with that area so I directed Asri to the OCBC carpark. Who knows that that would be a big disaster? The carpark was so narrow that we could barely make our way up as cars were coming down too. With each car either moving up or down, the other car in the opposite direction had to slow down or even stop to let that car pass. When we were rounding a corner, we heard a loud scrapping noise. The left rear door had knocked against a pillar and we could neither move forward nor reverse. Asri and I panicked. Then he moved the car slowly out of the fix but the damage was already done. Our left rear door was dented and scrapped badly, the rim of the tyre was also affected. Our hearts sank. He was in no mood to drive after that. We made some calls and went down to 2 workshops to get some quotations on how to fix the damage. Workshop 1 quoted us $550 to knock back the panel and it'l take 2 days. Workshop 2 gave us 2 options. Option 1: Change door - $350, spray paint - $320, labour - $80 so total $750. Option 2: Knock back the panel and spray paint $500. We decided on option 2 as it was an old car and we didn't want to spend so much. Touchwood, what if we were to knock it again? *sigh*, to upkeep a car is indeed costly as we've to budget for the unexpected. Well, this is indeed an expensive lesson!

Will you dance with me?

Last Wednesday, when we were at Carpe Diem picking the kids up, Teacher Debbie asked if Asri and I wanted to participate in the children's concert by doing a Waltz number. I thought why not, it seems fun. Asri agreed because he doesn't know what Waltz actually is. He thought it is just a simple dance. Haha.

For the next 2 days, we've got cold feet. We viewed some Waltz video from you-Tube and decided that it was too daunting for us! So I called Teacher Debbie on Friday morning to tell her that we are withdrawing ourselves from the dance. Too late, our request was rejected as our names were printed on the program sheet! Darn!

I was nervous for the entire day. I tried to search for an appropriate dress to wear but to no avail. I tried to think of a hundred and one excuses but met with no success. Asri says it's ok, we go up on stage to entertain people and have fun ourselves.

And we did, it was kinda fun. We concentrated on planning our moves and me just following his steps. We really enjoyed ourselves for that mere 6 minutes.

I am very proud to have such a sporting husband. I know of many who would not even appear on stage, let alone dance. He took it in good sport and I'm glad we did it. Haha.

And we are very proud of Kyan's performance too. He was so excited to see us and I know he knows that we are very proud of him!

Amazed by Kyan

I'm amazed by Kyan's linguistic ability in both English and Mandarin. Just yesterday, Teacher Florence was commenting on how Kyan can be a leader. She said he was teaching his classmates how to read one, two, three in Mandarin. He behaved like a teacher where he asked one to repeat after him, followed by another to read again. He even offered them praises, just like a real teacher! I'm so proud of him. Last night before bedtime, he picked up his magna doodle and wrote down the numbers from 1 to 10 in Mandarin and their hanyu pinyin! Then today, he wrote down ren, kou, shou, shang, xia and chong in Chinese characters! He even knew the hanyu pinyin for ren and xia. I'm surprised...




He also has an amazing capacity for English words. He doesn't exactly know the phonics rules yet but just commit the words to memory, I think. I can't even list down the words he knows. They're just too many! Today when the cab stopped at the traffic lights, he could read the road sign that says Tampines Rd, Upp Serangoon Road and Hougang Ave 2 and 3. Isn't that amazing?

Sometimes even when Asri is driving, he'll just look at the road signs and asks us if we are turning left or right to go to a particular place, e.g Changi Airport.

Just a few nights ago I taught him how to play Tic Tac Toe. Of course I had to give in to him but he soon understood the rules and even expressed interest in playing it again the following night.

I feel guilty. I kept telling myself I have to develop his phonics ability but have been procrastinating. While his interest is still sustained, I'd better do something about it. So it's jolly phonics we'll look into, followed by Ladybird phonics and sight word readers. Oh ya, I must also start Rayden on flashcards soon!

Godma?

I had a short and quick lunch with J today. It was quite interesting to catch up with her. She mentioned that her friend, E, is Mikayla's godma, but she hasn't even visited her in the last five years and that Mikayla doesn't even know how she looks like! Well, that story sounds familiar...which brings us back to Kyan's godma. Sometimes I don't even remember he HAD one. Well, it started when I was expecting and my friend, S, was so excited for me that she insisted to be Kyan's godma. Yes, as simple as that. I don't really like the idea but was quite indifferent about it, hoping she'll get the idea but she didn't. So she proclaimed to be Kyan's godma. That's how far the story stretches. I can count the number of times she'd actually visited or seen Kyan, all within my fingers still. She was there when Kyan was born, his 1st and 2nd birthday and that's about it, plus the 2 to 3 times ad hoc visits. She didn't send Kyan any birthday present for his 3rd or 4th birthday. Distance is always cited as a factor. I don't think Kyan even remembers who she is. Sad, but this so-called Godma is about as phantom as she is. I think I should count myself lucky that she bothered to pay a visit to my house when Rayden was born at 12am cos she was waiting for her brother to fetch her here. Sometimes I wonder if she realises that children do need to sleep early.

Our friendship trails back to our NIE days where we spent many a splendoured times together. We were as close as sisters can be. We confided in each other and we practically go everywhere together. I remembered when her electricity was cut off, I lent her money to pay off her bills (of course she returned every bit of it). She didn't give me anything for my wedding cos she claimed that it was not pay day yet. That I turned 2 blind eyes to. Then she got to know G, a male close friend and that's when she turned hip and happening. Now I'm not being sour but each time she has a new man, she thinks she can brush me aside but when she runs into problems, there she'll come looking for me. She doesn't exactly have my best interests at heart, that's how I feel. When she wants to take up loan from James, she asked me if I could do it for her. Well, I'm glad I turned it down. The final straw came when she didn't attend Rayden's 1st birthday. She smsed me saying that she was reprimanded by her mum for missing the flight to her cousin's wedding so she felt rotten, hence not in the mood to attend his party. I was blown off, I mean what kind of excuse is that? Does she regard me as a friend at all? We've not spoken to each other since Rayden's birthday and I've left things at that.

It's sad how things turned out. I've sacrificed a lot for her. The latest being going to "Actors" with her so that we can catch a glipse of "S", thereafter coming home to an angry husband cos Kyan could not sleep without me, and he even fell off the bed that night. My heart ached for my poor baby then. Now, on thinking back - are all these necessary? Are my efforts being appreciated? I'm thoroughly disappointed.

So when over lunch, J and I spoke about being someone's godparent, I really wonder why people volunteer themselves for this kind of duty without putting their heart and mind and soul into it?

I rest my case.

Truth..

What goes around comes around....proven...

My new upgrade!

I've splurged on a half a carat sized diamond earrings to replace the one I've lost. I know I'm overspending but I can't help it. I've a soft spot for diamonds. Now I'm not going to look at diamonds for the next 10 years! I'm happy with all that I have!

A New Addition!

After much consideration and thought, we've finally set our eyes upon a 2nd hand metallic grey Mazda 3! We paid for the downpayment (25% of sale price) and settled all paperwork. Now we are waiting for the loan to be approved and the collection of the car thereafter! It's a big investment and we are extremely excited about it. Can't wait to sit in it. Note that I used the word - "sit". I can't muster enough courage to drive the car yet. Too out of tune in driving. Asri is different, he dreams about the car and can't wait to drive it! If all goes well, we collect the car next Thursday...

Heartbroken

I've lost one side of my diamond earrings today. Probably dropped it at Compasspoint when I was carrying Rayden and he was struggling to get down to walk. I'm so so sad. Kyan sensed my sadness and he comforted me by telling me that he'll help me search for it. He did but to no avail. He even scolded Rayden for making me sad.

Pissed! (bitching)

Today J came to me and told me that Teacher Florence had commented that Kyan is very good with dates and telling time. However, he seems to be in a world of his own and that sometimes he doesn't mix with the kids. Somehow the term 'austistic' came into our conversation. He only doesn't possess good life skills like wearing his own clothes and packing his stuff. That had me worried. I told C about it. She said this friend of ours always does this. She'll hear about certain things from the teachers and tell us all this. Well, it could cause us unnecessary worry and stress, which has indeed set me pondering! She then advised me to consult Teacher Florence personally. I did. She clarified that Kyan is a bright and intelligent child. He doesn't give behavourial problems and does behave well in school. Only certain times, he seems to be in his own world and she has to divert his attention back to where they were. And she added that it's not so bad. He'll struggle with wearing his clothes but he's not the worst. She told me not to worry. He also mixes well with his friends. Well, I feel slightly relieved. I told Asri about it. He's very against J. He even questioned what was her motive in doing all this? To get me worried? To boast that her child is well behaved and good?


J and I were good friends when I started teaching at E. Then after some time she distanced herself from me. At first I felt rather puzzled and even hurt by her actions. After that I left E and could not be bothered with her. Recently I heard from C that she said she was very stressed with me cos I'm always telling her what Kyan can do, so in other words, I'm showing off my kid. At first, I was quite pissed hearing that. I did not show off anything! She was the one who asked me what Kyan can or cannot do in the first place! Then after thinking for sometime, I am amused, I can't believe that I actually have the ability to stress people out...cool

Asri questioned her purpose in singling out children and discussing their behaviour with the teacher. He added that she's doing a lot of comparing herself! C mentioned that she'd rather not hear about what or how her chidren are doing from her mouth.


Then her child - I hate it when Kyan mixes with her cos he'll whine a lot and end up being scolded by me. She always try to show off in front of Kyan and kids being kids, they'll always want what the other has. For example, she was eating a hot dog bun when she told Kyan that she has a bun and that he doesn't. Kyan would whine that he wants one! Just today, when we reached CP's lift lobby, I told Kyan to press the lift button for me. Kyan ran to want to press the lift button but her daughter ran ahead and used her hands to cover both up and down buttons so that Kyan couldn't press any. How vicious is that! Of cos Kyan whined again. So I really hate how Kyan behaves in front of her daughter. It's just not fair that he has to get scoldings from me all the time.


No wonder familiarity breeds contempt. I'm going to distance myself from her, and my kids from her kids!

Blissful 18+++ birthday

My birthday came and went. I'm feeling a bit sentimental this time, probably it hit me this year cos I realised age is catching up with me! *SOB*. Anyway, I really enjoyed myself this year!

It started with a surprise birthday cake in which Asri was trying to put candles on when Kyan came into the room to inform me that daddy bought a cake for me. *smiles* The cake was superb! Tell me how not to put on weight despite eating the cake at 12 midnight, thereafter dozing off to sleep?
On Sunday I had tuition at Victoria. Mr Ong surprised me by coming into the classroom with a birthday cake! So sweet of him. It was a huge cake and I shared it with everyone at the centre.

Then I got my present from Asri and the boys- a pair of trilogy earrings, each diamond stands for each of the 3 boys in my life. I'm touched. We went for dinner at HRC in the evening. We had a wonderful time although Rayden created a food mess at the restaurant.


I'm truly blessed. So excited with the earrings, (*LOL*) and all the friends who had smsed or fbed birthday wishes. I'm touched that so many remembered! Thanks pals.

Shocked yet again!

Last night, when I was changing Rayden after his bath, he was scratching his penis. So I told him, "Please don't scratch your penis, or else it'll bleed."

Kyan replied, "Ya, di-di, don't scratch or else it'll become smaller and smaller and then no more!"

Mummy: *LOL* yet again...

Count my blessings

These past few weeks have been a mad rush for me, going from school to tuition and more tuition. I thank God that there's at least a week of not-waking-up-at-5am to begin the day with.



Today I woke up at 10am (pure bliss!) with the kids, fixed breakfast and lunch for them, cleaned the house a little and now the two boys are taking their nap.



Sometimes I wonder where I have the energy to work with no rest days at all. Somehow I managed to stay afloat, and swim ahead. I thank God for that, for giving me strength to move on and for taking care of everyone in my family.



It's times like these when I am eager to take stock of my good tidings and remember that I am truly blessed.



1) My children:

• When I see Kyan holding Rayden's hands and taking little steps with him, trying to follow his pace, my heart melts.
• When I see Kyan trying to entertain Rayden by telling him a story or giving him a biscuit to distract him when mummy is busy, my heart feels comforted.
• When I see Rayden trying to imitate Kyan in terms of drawing or singing or in other actions, I feel amused.
• When I see Rayden so eager to look for Kyan in the morning or when he comes home from school, I feel contented.
• When I see both of them playing or sharing with each other, I am happy.

2) My husband:

• I'm thankful that he is always there to support me in whatever I do.
• I'm blessed that he helps out with the kids and housework.

3) My Job/s

• I'd say I'm been quite lucky this year with job opportunities, apart from my fixed job. So my goal this year will be work, work, work and save more..

4) My Mum and Sis

• I'm really thankful that they take such good care of the kids during the weekends.

I'm truly blessed!

To the temple...

Last Sunday, we took a cab from home to the temple. While nearing the temple, Kyan said he knew what the words on the signboard were. There were 3 Chinese words that said, "Man Fatt Lam". So I asked him to explain. He replied," Mummy, it means 'Pai Ah Gong!'" I nearly fell off my seat!